Days of Pride: A Letter to My Mother

Querida Mama:

Yesterday, we had a conversation on the phone, and you told me that some friends (it wasn’t clear to me whether they were from Venezuela) talked to my grandmother (this raised the red flag of bullshit) so she would talk to you and you would talk to me, because I was talking too much about being bisexual and having relationships with women, and I shouldn’t.

I turned my inner translator on (no, not the one from Spanish to English) and it said “Stop talking about this.  They are gossiping about you and every gossip about you is a gossip about me.

Then you pulled the fact that I was working for a religious Organization (at least nominally); the latest of the cards you have played for me to be back in the closet (My stepfather Hugh, my stepsiblings, our family, Donald Trump and the neighbours in my future apartment in New York).  Upon telling you that there were openly gay people in my team, you replied that nobody had the loud makeup and the colours like me, and everybody knew what the bisexual flag colours meant, especially in Social Work.  I replied telling you that one of my bosses asked what my little pin was and had to tell you a lie about why was I wearing the pin that day.  Then, when you brought that the bottom line was that I should not let people talk about me (translation: talk about you) I replied with a: “If we play that game, I am also being gossiped about and perhaps pitied for not being married and a mother at 38.  You then turned defensive again stating the fact that more and more women were deciding against marriage and motherhood.

Well Mama: there are two things you are going to have to accept whether you like it or not: 1) I love women as much as I love men.   My crushes on Morrissey, Michael Fassbender and Arjun Rampal are as powerful and arousing as my crushes on Katrina Kaif,  Saffron Burrows and Monica Bellucci.  The second thing, that my life is about me, not about you.  And unlike the first time when I was 20 and you tried to  silence my bisexuality even from myself (although outer circumstances were the cause of that first success), this time it won’t work.  There is a possibility that I will fall in love with a woman in the future, just like I did in the past.  You will have to accept that.

I I am bisexual.  I have been out and proud since I was 35, and I was out to close friends even earlier.  Silencing my bisexuality won’t make it go away.  Not this time.  Yes, there is the possibility I will fal in love with a man, but I won’t bury the possibility that I will fall in love with a woman simply because it bothers you, in he same way that you had to accept that I quit Catholicism at 18 to never go back; and in the same way that I had a majority of friends who were not the friends a good Latina, straight woman would have.

I will always be your daughter, but I can’t keep stop living my life just because it bothers you.  Now I have more independence, both because I have a permanent job and because you left Chicago.  And for the third consecutive Pride March, I will be the Bi princes.  You will just have to get used to it!


Pekky, tu hija.


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